The Book

" 'Squaring Circles' is a fascinating and absorbing snapshot in time of one man's personal growth and transformation set within the framework of a masterly piece of fiction."www.pearlpress.co.uk

Thursday 29 September 2011

What, In Short, Is The Origin Of Our Anger?

One simple way ( and sometimes too simple!) is be sure to direct one's anger and frustration at curing the problem rather than personalising it by focusing it on the one or more people you feel caused it. This helps everyone affected to swing in behind the solution.

A second way and one needing more cognitive practice, is to accept the principle that each of us make ourselves angry. Yes Really! No-one else does! We have a clear picture of the way we want things to be and someone or something has suddenly challenged that picture. But remember it is our picture of how things should be and could well not be shared by others.

One other big No-No in terms of natural justice and remedying any issue, is to vent our anger and frustration on a person who had nothing to do with it but happens to be in our firing line. An example? Telephoning a Help-Line. Venting anger on the person at the call centre very rarely works. Yet sharing with them the cause of ones anger and frustration most often does work.

One thing is for sure the more often we react in the same way in anger and frustration, in front of our children, the more they will adopt the same behaviour.

Gerry Neale

Squaring Circles

Wednesday 28 September 2011

Beware! Being Married Can Make You Lazy!

According to a Poll instigated by the Department of Health, married people were far less willing to exercise than single people living on their own.

With the guideline in mind of 150 minutes exercise recommended each week, only 27% met the standard, and that involved women more than men. Of all those questioned and falling short, it was noiceable that the majority were married.

Perhaps the most daunting statistic was the discovery that married couples were twice as likely to be obese than their single counterparts.

I again would say, it is just as easy to pattern ones week to include physical activity as it is to exclude it, but no-one can force us on what choice we make. Resolving to exercise as a couple can be our choice and clearly has benefits.

Check this link. http://www.staysure.co.uk/news/2011-09-23/does-matrimony-put-an-end-to-exercise/255187

Gerry Neale

Sunday 18 September 2011

Psychology Simplied on The Artist Lurking in Everyone


I have been intrigued by the references on LinkedIn’s discussions on the Emotional Network  to artists and creators and their alleged different way of coming at things. It is portrayed by some as if perhaps artists and creators are so dictated to by their skill and creativity which then impacts irreconcilably on their behaviour to those who are not seemingly creative.

I have read too in some of the contributions the implication that of the many ways one can classify people, one way is into artists and non-artists!

If I have misinterpreted this then, please, someone, correct me!

I admit that 20 – 25 years ago I used to think in a similar way.

Then I learned to pose a different view. That is that we are all artists and creators, excepting none! If there is a difference between us, it is solely in the degree to which we have given space for it. Our acknowledgement of our skill may have been crippled by our belief system. Our performance may have been stunted by our lack of desire to be an artist or by our lack of time dedicated to it. But the latent creative ability, unique in its expression by each of us, is there in us.

Fifteen years ago, with no indication I was an artist or could be one, I was telling students I was mentoring that if they wanted enough to be good at any one of a number of things including an artist, they could be. Hearing myself saying it one day, and despite being busy, I realised I would love to be able to paint watercolour pictures. This was even though I have the red green colour blindness suffered by 6% of males across the Globe.

But my advice to students, if correct, should work with me, shouldn’t it? My life made attending lessons a problem. So standing in a bookshop, I was stunned by the selection of tutorial books. I bought one, then another, and yet another.

The first book told me that if I wanted to paint well, I needed first to learn to draw. I took the advice at face value and produced drawing after drawing until I wanted to add colour and so started to paint.

Did I enjoy what I produced to start with? No. But did I learn that it was a skill to be acquired and was not a talent blessed on me? Absolutely! Couldn’t I acquire it if I persevered and produce work I was pleased with? Why not!

So, so many people draw and paint, but make little of it. Many create artistically in the decoration and furnishing of their homes, plantings in their gardens

Does this activity affect our thinking? More does it influence our behaviour? I suspect strongly it does, but not because we are made that way. It happens because we learn new ways of seeing and behaving. Fifteen years ago I would have claimed I was pretty observant. Drawing and painting has taught me how little I really saw.

It has also told me that it is merely a form of illusion. Like the illusionist, an artist is a benign trickster of the eye. Line, contrast, tone, composition can be employed in many different ways to deceive the eye and make us believe what we see.

So what has it told me?

If we want to think like an artist, we can learn and experience how much more we can see, simply by looking. More significantly, it can caution us as to much more we are missing when looking at other activities. The more the competent the artist in our midst, the more likely they can help us see ourselves and our situation clearly. Not only that, their undisciplined ways to find inspiration in the creativity of their art can show us ways to be inspirationally creative about our businesses.

Using the same approach I learned to windsurf actively later in my life. I have learned to write lyrics to existing music when I cannot read music or play instrument. I do not sing well, but I know now that there is too much evidence to show if I learned properly then I could.

Recently, applying the same technique, I have had a first novel published.

I say this in no sense to boast, but in humility to show what is possible. I am pleased with what I have done so far but know I can improve on them dramatically.

All this has told me that we are much more conditioned by our thinking and our desires to achieve than we are by the mistaken perception of our inherent talent or lack of it. If we want passionately to do something creative or we encourage ourselves enough, there is indeed little to prevent us achieving it. We can be prodigious in our production as artists and creators and be extremely practical in our approach, just as we can be the opposite. All this can add to our overall competence to operate within teams.

However I do agree that weakness results from focusing solely on one element of creativity not just at the expense of other forms of creativity but everything else in life too. 

Nevertheless I feel that we are too often conditioned to judge people by what they do and are good at, rather than what they are. The more we learn different skills the more we open our minds. In any project, it is surely best to include those needed to create the sum total of being able to see the project from all angles.

The old adage I now believe to be Oh! So true. “Never judge a book by its cover”.

Gerry Neale

The Linkedin member discussion referred to is entitled: "How Can You Encourage Artist-Type Personalities To Be More Productive," and it is in The Emotional Intelligence Network Group
 

   

Friday 16 September 2011

Happiness From The Joy Of Reading Endorsed BY UK Government

Great news today. The UK Government is bolstering the potential happiness to be had from reading. It is going to establish a nine minute reading test next summer for each and every 6 year old in all the UK primary schools on its ability to interpret synthetic phonic symbols for the linguistic sounds we make. This follows successful trials in 300 primary schools. This method is at last gaining ground among more of  our educationalists!

Yet to my amazement some of them are still resisting it because they say it is not 100% successful! When we have between a quarter and a third of our children functionally illiterate, I would have thought that they would have pounced on this solution to reduce that deficit.

The happiness and joy children ( and adults too) gain from reading the great diversity of books available is palpable. Let us hope and pray that this system becomes available to and is embraced by schools across the UK. It has been about a long time as a system in different proprietary forms.

As Diane McGuinness said in her admirable 1998 book, Why Children Can't Read and What We can Do About It, writing is the employment of the code we have devised to represent the linguistic sounds we make when we speak. It follows that reading is the process of decoding, language by language. Teach a child the relevant linguistic code - that's for the difficult sounds as well as the easy ones - and we vest in them a key to their future happiness and fulfillment.

More detail here http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/educationnews/8766371/New-reading-test-for-600000-infants-given-go-ahead.html

Well done I would say..

Thursday 1 September 2011

Squaring Circles Foreword


Gerry and I have known each other for almost 20 years, and it comes as no surprise to me that Gerry would write a novel that so sensitively identifies and characterises human frailties and feelings. Through each of the different characters portrayed by Gerry, I find echoes of so many people from different walks of life that I have known and worked with.

Many of the characters have the complex issues relating to difficult childhoods, to relationships, to control, to obsessions and addiction – issues that have profound effects on their families in particular and on their wider relationships. The book sensitively and graphically illustrates how so many of these issues endure because the person is unable or unwilling to confront and face them – and how this suppresses the real strengths that lie at the core of their personality.

The story of Squaring Circles is truly engaging as it unfolds. It is seen, felt and told through the hero, Jonathan, as he experiences it. The story demonstrates how complete strangers can choose to remain so or how they can engage with each other to huge beneficial effect. It also confirms how it is so much easier to re-configure the way one views oneself when away from those who believe they know us well.

This book is one of hope, displaying so much of the new findings from research in positive psychology and related fields. It offers great hope to readers, male or female and of any age who feel they have laboured long enough with damaging and deep-seated attitudes and habits. It provides an ingenious route map to self-discovery and personal growth. It does this through the wisdom shared between the key characters as they each seek to ‘square circles’ in their lives.

There is also an extensive recommended reading list for those who wish to further explore the ideas and research revealed within.

The best novelists have always found ways of describing the trials and tribulations of the human spirit. Gerry continues that tradition with a new and ‘hope-ful’ twist. I am delighted to recommend this novel wholeheartedly to you, the reader.   Savour it! Enjoy it! I feel sure you will return to reread it over time.

Den Winterburn

Team Consultant and Coach

Associated Blogs

Starting An Online Business Is A Mind Game
http://psychologysimplified.blogspot.com

Cognitive Mentors: Helping Us Understand And Change Ourselves
http://cognitivementors.blogspot.com

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http://mindcrackchildabuse.blogspot.com