Squaring Circles More Articles

Over 80 articles are published on  http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Gerry_Neale by the author

Funny Masquerade We Can Play Around Emotional Issues

It’s funny how we can know deep-down that we have fundamental emotional issues, yet we do not want to admit them to relatives or friends. So we don’t tell them. And not telling them can also rule   out in our mind us seeking any form of professional help either. Why? Because to do that could be tantamount to admitting to the world publicly that we did have issues, that we had lost the plot, and we do need help. But might we be fooling ourselves? Yes! I am afraid I believe we could be!

Aren’t we are operating in disguise? Couldn’t we think we are hiding our issues completely, when others have detected them? Isn’t the truth that despite the fact we have emotional issues, we still haven’t admitted it intellectually to the most important person involved – ourself! No admittance: so we don’t do anything about it to help ourselves either!

That means our emotional masquerade has been born and nurtured and unless and until corrected, it will begin to flourish and be patterned.

We can go on trying to refute to ourselves the reality that actually we do have issues. These maybe about ourselves – our fears and phobias , or maybe about our family or relationships. Ironically, because we know we aren’t handling things well, we can then contrive to make it worse!

We can succumb to the need first to pretend we are happy with our lot anyway. We put on a jolly front. Yet we know we are not. And as it fails to convince us, sub-consciously we know something else has to be done.

This can trigger the need to bring our intellect more into play to demonstrate our effectiveness at the expense of our unresolved emotions. To do this requires us to develop an added zeal and commitment about our work. Especially this can involve changing our approach to perceived tasks at work or at home. Often we can upgrade these to an urgent status, when it can be questionable whether in some cases they are even necessary.

And we can find it a seemingly very effective strategy too. Our work rate appears to have multiplied while the emotional issues seem to have been banished. In fact we can deem it so successful that if our hidden emotional issues should happen to be suddenly inflamed further by some unanticipated event, we have ready-made solutions!

We can intensify the pretence that nothing is wrong and also put our foot down a bit more on the ‘zeal’ button and, hey presto, the problem seems solved.

Or is it?

Don’t we ourselves begin to sense that others close to us have detected how we are beginning to run circles round ourselves? Doesn’t their tone and their body language alone put us on notice? So don’t we then try a yet additional ploy?

That’s when our attempt at open self-justification can start to set in. ‘Oh! How busy we are!’ ‘No time to think!’ ‘Yes, I must get down to that next week.’ We employ every excuse in the book! Taking care of the children and all their activities, can be another one  – and often very easy to justify.

But what are doing to ourselves with all this? Getting by? Maybe, but such a compromise is rarely healthy or sustainable.

In truth we are progressively and systematically ‘de-selfing’ ourselves. In so doing, we are not allowing our emotional self to be heard or accounted for. Yet this is a vital element of human make-up enabling us to interact more effectively and at one with our fellow humans.

One might, of course, challenge this as unrealistic and impracticable. Isn’t some of this deferring of emotional issues necessary, merely as a result of the pressures on us of time and privacy?

Yes it is true any expert would confirm that reality of today’s hectic lifestyle. But they would also advocate only truly postponing an issue coupled with the clear intent to deal with it. They would caution against converting it into a habitual way of shelving things.

To a greater or lesser extent, pretty well all of us are emotionally sensitive and reactive. Acknowledging unresolved feelings betrays only common sense. It most definitely does not admit to failure just because one discusses upsets that have begun to dog one’s life.

This can be with the person much behind the issue, or if that is not possible, then with a relative or friend one can trust with the confidence. Almost inevitably they will welcome the chance to share their own, rather than avoid the discussion.

Often merely understanding better the dynamics behind issues is more than half the battle won. Yet we seem to deny that just as we are capable of feeling untoward emotions, that somehow we are not equally equipped with the ability to learn how to manage them better.

There are some excellent counsellors around, many who already have the Tshirt for coping with just the dilemma one believes is unique to oneself. From such people can come not just a sense of release but greater ability to help oneself – and others, in the future.

But meanwhile the sheer scale of wisdom residing in one’s family, friends and colleagues never ceases to amaze me. Why ever do we spurn it!

To stop the masquerade and address it, surely, must make for a truer form of happiness?

For more articles on Psychology and Achievement check on Gerry Neale Ezine Articles

Gerry Neale is the Author of an intriguing self-discovery novel in Paperback ISBN 978-0-9572169-0-7 which is available at www.amazon.co.uk. More book information is available at www.squaringcircles.co.uk

Squaring Circles A Novel For The Abused Child Now Adult

I would urge anyone who, even much later in life, still suffers from the impact of child abuse, to read "Squaring Circles: From The Dark Into The Light" www.squaringcircles.co.uk It is written by Gerry Neale and published in paperback by Lyricamus Limited ISBN 978-0-9572169-0-7

This is an unusual book. It is a self-help/self-discovery book but written as a novel. Why? Because, first, the author has written it in the first person through the eyes and heart of the hero to catch every nuance of the story. Second, he is convinced as a result that the reader can read, feel and sense much more of the emotional turmoil involved in tackling inhibitions and traumas laid down by childhood patterning. In this way the reader can be helped to start that process themselves reassured that, no matter how painful, it can be done.

Every success in your search for release and understanding.

The following blogs can be helpful too.
www.squaringcircles.co.uk
http://psychologysimplified.blogspot.com
http://cognitivementors.blogspot.com

Can This Really Be True?

According to psychologists at the University of British Columbia, what turns women and men on is very different, certainly in two instances! One involves smiling and the other is the opposite, namely wearing a brooding sullen expression. 

A perspicacious journalist, Fiona MacRae, has tumbled on this research conducted on 1000 men and women and whose findings have been published in the Journal ‘Emotion’.

Consider this! For men looking to make a hit with women, were they to smile at one, it is most likely to be turn-off. However, give them a brooding sullen stare and, as like as not, they are hooked! Also bearing an expression of pride, or even shame, can win a woman over! One of the researchers posed the conclusion that for women, implicit in the proud exterior of a man maybe is taken as evidence of his ability to provide for a partner and children.

Yet for a women to forsake the smile and go for the sullen, brooding, proud look in the company of a man is a fool’s errand. For her to win the man, it seems a smile will carry a much higher chance of success. A submissive, vulnerable smile is seemingly recommended!

I confess I have never doubted – and I also cherish the difference between men and women, but hadn’t reckoned on this set of conclusions!  Now past the age when I should know better, I feel I must watch out for those moments in company when unwittingly I might display excessive pride in an achievement or sullen brooding over a failure! But I do lament that a simple smile to acknowledge the presence of a woman could actually disappoint her, and to a man might give him the wrong idea!

Good to start a New Year with tongue slightly in cheek!

Gerry Neale
www.squaringcircles.co.uk

Happiness: Don't Kill It!

Happiness Killer!

If you do actually want to be sad and stay sad, don’t make any decisions that could impact on your life! It will, of course, classify you as an unhappy “Maximiser” according to research by Professor Joyce Ehrlinger of Florida State University, but at least you won’t risk making the wrong decision? It seems we all have a choice. We can choose to be “Maximisers or Satisficers”. Yet the behavioural difference between them is profound in both its nature and its results.

I have already written on the Five Levels of Happiness as a way of achieving full happiness across one’s life. But of course that involves making a whole gamut of different choices or decisions related to each and every aspect of our life. Professor Ehrlinger has concluded that many of us are capable of falling at the first fence!

Why?

Because if we are inclined to think far too much about making a decision in the first place, we are very likely to risk adopting an unhappy existence, always fretting about whether the decision is the right one or not. For example, what happens if it is wondering “Should I really go to a friend’s party? Should I change my job? Or even, should I really say yes to this marriage proposal?” One can heap deep unhappiness on ourselves by not making a choice if we live in constant fear of making the wrong decision.

And even if apparently in regard to some choice presented to us, we do bring ourselves to make a decision as a Maximiser, we can then lead a life of unending rumination, tormenting ourselves over whether it was the right move! If this describes us, then the research says we never enjoy the psychological benefits of commitment and our life becomes one overladen by grief. It could strike at the root of potential relationships or career opportunities, multiplying the feeling of unhappiness.

The opposite seems true of “Satisficers”. They have patterned a different behavioural approach altogether. They think the issue through as far as they can and then when they arrive at the final element of doubt, they are far more inclined to listen to their instincts, their sixth sense. If it says, “Do it!” Then they do just that. They are happy that if it works out - then fine, and if it doesn’t - then they will not hold it against themselves or give themselves grief over it.

In my experience of observing myself and others, I think there is another clear difference between “Maximisers” and “Saticficers.” Simply stated, “Maximisers” flirt with the danger of striving to be perfectionists and no less. Satisficers” on the other hand, are much more pragmatic about their own fallibility. And they are much more comfortable in their own skin. They also have a higher sense of self-worth and self-esteem.

For Maximisers, happiness can appear a luxury they cannot afford. But for Satisficers they are far more open to happiness. They let it in and enjoy it.

Happiness is so often there for our taking. Clearly we can kill it or accommodate for it in pretty well everything we do!

Happy Christmas And A Happy New Year!

Gerry Neale

A Christmas Carol -

      “Our Wonderful Gift”

(© Words and their Melodic Interpretation by Sir Gerry Neale April 2009) .

            A Christnas Carol Written to Specific Music not for reproduction)

1.         “At this special time

We will offer our gifts

And send our kind words

To friends

2.         Shouldn’t we tell them why

           It is this that is done

           And how it began

So long ago.

                                                The Lord’s son was born-

                                                Just a small babe in arms;

                                                But hear how he grew.

           

                                                Everyone around him

                                                Knew as the word spread,

                                                That the World  had been changed

                                                            
                                                             For us all.

3.          We had a Messiah,

Here with us on Earth.

Like the Prophets said

Would come.

4.          Sent here by God

To live among us -

Be-friend and guide us,

Through joys and ills.

                                            The Lord’s son was born.

                                                Just a small babe in arms

                                                But hear how he grew.

           

                                                Everyone around him

                                                Knew as the word spread,

                                                That the World had been changed

                                                             For us all.

5.          We should all love and play.

     But never forget

     This was how it was

     Back then.

6.          But this story gets lost

As we rush our days

So tell the World what this means

Thank God for our wonderful gift.”                    

End                                 

Gerry Neale  Copyright Reserved

           

Happy Christmas to all who read this. 

Gerry.

"Squaring Circles" Author Gerry Neale Has Over 100 Articles on the Internet

Gerry Neale has nearly 80 articles alone posted on the Internet Directory Ezine Articles. These are on a range of subjects relating mostly to cognitive behavioural issues. Othe articles appear on a range of other directories such as SubmitYourArticles and ArticleBase. These can all be accessed and read without charge. In addition they can be copied and posted to other sites, providing the resource box at the end atttributing the article to him is copied and included in the new posting too.

See http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Gerry_Neale

For details on his book go to www.squaringcircles.co.uk
and on his artwork go to www.sirgerrynealeartprints.com